Brandon's Notepad

August 18, 2010

I’ve Heard It All

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≤2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015

I’ve heard a lot of things in my life, in both academic and professional settings, things that have made me say to myself “Well, now you’ve heard it all!” The most memorable are also the most funny. I originally posted this list online in August 2010 to capture the ones I found myself repeating in conversation. These are real quotes from family, friends, and coworkers. You can’t make this stuff up, folks!

Note: this post has grown by about eight or ten quotes a year and was starting to get unwieldy; therefore, I decided to break up the list by year. Below are quotes from the original post that were uttered prior to 2006, plus any I may add as they are brought back to mind. I’ve also removed the few cartoon captions that appeared on the original post.

“No, it’s a lot less like that and a whole lot more like something else.” [college roomate having trouble collecting his thoughts]

Boss: “Ok, it’s time. Please run the upgrade.”
Coworker: “We can’t right now. Users are still logged in.”
Boss: [checks terminal screen] “Oh, it looks like they left some open sessions running.”
Coworker: “Do you want me to kill them?”
Boss: [pause] “The users or the sessions?”

“The wind held me back.” [favorite excuse of a former boss given to him by a former coworker when asked why she didn’t show up on time one day; in her defense, it was rather windy that day]

Me: [reading telemarketing script] “…could I interest you in one of our…”
Potential Customer: “Look, I’m [having a lovely time with] my girlfriend right now. Could you call back later?”

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