Brandon's Notepad

November 20, 2013

I’ve Heard It All 2010

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When I first posted my I’ve Heard It All! list online in August 2010, it was a compilation of quotes from the office where I had been working for the previous several years, plus quotes from high school, college, and other places of employment. All of the quotes on this page came from that workplace or other conversations that occurred about the same timeframe. The earlier quotes have been retained on the original post.

“It’s just the General Ledger.” [coworker, discussing a backend change to correct data]

“Accounting lies – indicated that they can’t modify this field.” [coworker’s interpretation of another’s poor handwriting; original was “Accounting has indicated…”]

“Include this system in the D.O.R.K. report.” [same coworker’s typo; actual acronym for the report is something else]

“They won’t be bored as long as they keep themselves occupied.” [a mother, preparing for a long car trip with the kids]

“Beginning tomorrow, or perhaps sometime in the past, our new software deployment schedule is, or rather, was now on Tuesdays and Thursdays instead of Tuesdays and Fridays as it was in the paster past, so that it should have been reflected as that which was in the attached document now. This has been confirmed by management and will be communicated to the development team so they will be aware of the present that is now.” [E-mail sent by manager after being unilaterally circumvented on a schedule he owned]

“Happiness is bliss.” [coworker with a gift for stating the obvious]

“I do not have a work request to separate the changes under that I did. Can we go with the changes as are for Me, You have my teammate new work request for the project.” [coworker, grammar retained]

“I’ve got pumpkin envy.” [coworker, office Halloween pumpkin carving contest]

For family reasons, a coworker had to discretely dispose of some live goldfish at home. After mentioning this in conversation at work, the office was divided as to whether or not this was the “right thing to do.” One disapproving colleague wrote him an e-mail with the following quote:

“God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled.” ~Author Unknown

To which another promptly responded:

“Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea…” ~God

“The break room is back in working order. The new cabinets have been installed and all appliances have been returned. There is still work to be completed, so bare with us while the wall covering and new carpet are competed. Thank you for your patience and understanding.” [E-mail regarding office renovations]


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